Breast Cancer - My Journey...
Setting my feet upon the path of true self-care - Part One
My Journey with Breast Cancer Part 1
It was 2009 and at the age of 49 years old I found a lump in my left breast – the upper part towards the centre. Changes were put into place to help a body that needed support and nurturing. The food that fed the cancer which was primarily anything to do with sugar, including alcohol, was removed from the diet and a vigorous healing schedule was put in place. An arrogance played out at the idea this would be easy to heal then continue with life as ‘normal’.
All the boxes were ticked, diet, exercise, meditation… but the pace of life remained the same. The actual quality of life was not changed, my heart still raced when I went to bed with the amount that was fitted in a day. These were all extra things to focus on and got swept up in the wave of life.
So what is breast cancer, and why that part of the body? Is this just a place we nurture babies when we feed them. Have we long forgotten how to nurture ourselves?
The lump had shrunk when removed which we put down to DIM, a compound cabbage extract thought to help balance hormone levels via its effect on oestrogen. No chemo, no radiotherapy. Still the arrogance persisted, no need to miss a step because I think "I know".
Three years later the second lump appeared, now not so cocky and in charge, something else was at play. Then the realisation that the body "doing" so much, the business, the children, the lawns, the house, tending to a family member with diabetes - I was being shouted at to change something, time to take stock.
Then it started to dawn on me that it was "how" I was "doing" everything. The spirit had been strong but where was the Soul listened to. That quiet, gentle, tender, delicate voice that has no adherence to time, just the presence in the moment. How to live with this still, settled presence from moment to moment. How do you hold that piece of absolute gold every second of every day.
The body followed the mind as so much raced through it, that racy feel where the body is constantly playing catch up. What if I was present in every moment and did one thing at a time, minute by minute, second by second. Would my heart sill thump at the end of each day in that racy manner. What would it take to get to this space, this space of settlement that I yearned for.
Sugar was removed from the diet, plus the dairy, gluten, yeast, alcohol - it all went with the first lump as did coffee and any caffeinated food or drink. Slowly I began to feel some semblance of settlement in the body. The body started to speak louder than the head, as gradually one thing after another started to change.
I began to slowly change my sleep pattern and went to bed earlier, so instead of going to bed between 10pm and midnight (often after having fallen asleep on the sofa) I would go to bed between 8pm and 9pm to begin my wind down with some reading. My pace of life began to slow down and I reduced the days I went to work, it was about this time I also took a closer look at my marriage.
This second time around pressure was on to have the chemotherapy, radiotherapy and tamoxifen, it became clear that the route for lump number one was not enough. The marriage became intolerable for both of us as we drifted with our outlooks on life. Willing to go deeper on a journey of settlement, so much changed.
Now what started as a shout from the breast was becoming an evolutionary path back to Soul.
The Soul that had always been there waiting for that awakening moment of realising how much our choices affect our lives. Maybe the old beliefs and patterns were not serving this beautiful body.
More tenderness and self-care were introduced, learning to self-love was huge in a world that teaches us to put everyone else first so as to not be deemed "selfish`'. How crazy is that… what about this body and the love that supports it?
To be a reflection of love is the most beautiful thing I have ever born witness to. To see a woman walk knowing her own essence is divinity itself.
All has changed, my friends, my work, my home, my life. I would change nothing as there is so much love and intimacy in my life now. My friends walk steadily by my side as I do theirs, my family say whatever you are doing ‘keep doing it’.
My body is treated as I would treat a baby, my skin is moisturised after a bath, a blanket when I'm cold, rest when needed and above all the self-love that was absent before.
Nothing passes now without being called out, my body feels it all and I'm willing to acknowledge it. The thoughts do not enter unless I'm off guard, hurts recognised as untrue, settlement is my goal, in every second of every day as the care I bring now to this body reflects to a world crying out for love. I have purpose and a responsibility to show the world what true love looks like. It is shown though my walk, my eyes, my words and my wonderment that there is always more as deeper and deeper we can go into the universe of love.
My reflection is the wealth that I carry as I let go of the material world of creation, and slowly walk my way back to the stars.
So if the lump was the clearing of the ill momentum of the past, and probably many past lives living the same patterns of being sold out to security and comfort, then so be it. I will always choose the deepening of my heart as it has shown me the wisdom of the universe, and how vast we are. No inflicted boundaries of the spirit, just the magnificence of the Soul.